Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
zippers are such a cool invention
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
