ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
