She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
