Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
