i'm signing you up for texting rehab
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
