Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
