It's Friday. Sex?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
