If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
