I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
