did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
