I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
