Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
