it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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