do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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