Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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