Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
