I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
