We won't sleep together?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
