Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bring me that man meat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
