Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
