Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
