i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
