Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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