i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
tell me about the eggs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
