Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
