two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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