she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize