my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
