sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
