I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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