so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
