With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
