i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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