Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you had me at cake vodka
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
