i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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