Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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