I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
