At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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