What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
