My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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