I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
