I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
