I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
