Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
