This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
