I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
