I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
