He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
40s are totally the cure
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
