i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
