She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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