im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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