i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
