oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
