and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
