If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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