So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
