I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
