Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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