someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
