I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
