The maid of honor just puked.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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