You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
