I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
