if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
