I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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