rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We are all done wearing pants today
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