I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
