What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
