I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
