I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
